The London Telegraph reports on the Strange Life of the Housewife Who Grew Up with Monkeys Was Raised by Monkeys! Spoiler: the video is a let down

(Monkeystein could not be reached to confirm a complete denial.)

"We found ourselves in a hole that I didn't dig, but I have dug, dug and dug to try to get out of that hole." --Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nevada), Oct. 22, 2010.

The case of three Navy SEALs facing court martial for striking a terrorist captive in custody is the latest story of U.S. servicemen who may have gone too far in the course of fighting America's war against jihadists. But Americans have done much worse than that, Warren Kozak writes in Wednesday's Wall Street Journal:

You don't have to dig too deep to understand that war brings out behavior in people that they would never demonstrate in normal life. In Paul Fussell's moving memoir, "The Boys' Crusade," the former infantryman relates a story about the liberation of Dachau. There were about 120 SS guards who had been captured by the Americans. Even though the Germans were being held at gunpoint, they still had the arrogance—or epic stupidity—to continue to heap verbal abuse and threats on the inmates. Their American guards, thoroughly disgusted by what they had already witnessed in the camp, had seen enough and opened fire on the SS. Some of the remaining SS guards were handed over to the inmates who tore them limb from limb. Another war crime? No doubt. Justified? It depends on your point of view. But before you weigh in, realize that you didn't walk through the camp. You didn't smell it. You didn't witness the obscene horror of the Nazis.

Earlier, Kozak recounts a similar story about German and American POWs during the Battle of the Bulge. "Was the U.S. a lesser country because these GIs weren't arrested? Was the Constitution jeopardized?" he asks. "Somehow it survived."

Perhaps. But no worse for wear?

Men have struggled over the centuries to find a "permanent peace." The League of Nations even made a treaty once. Abolishing war is a folly. But maybe the greater folly is the effort to civilize it.

Oh, for f--- sake:

Maura Flynn at Big Hollywood says: "People, we have the means, if we have the will, to topple these charlatans who shamelessly prey on little children. So boycott Build-A-Bear. And, more importantly, tell the world why."

Blah, blah, blah. Yes, it's terrible. Yes, it's manipulative. And thus Build-a-Bear will put some principled conservative moms and dads in the awkward position of having to tell Johnny and Sis, "No, you can't go to Maria's birthday party, because Build-a-Bear sells LIES!"

Are you going to do that? For real?

If this sort of thing bothers you -- and probably it should a little -- then send Build-a-Bear an e-mail expressing your disapproval. Or here's a thought: Watch what your kids are watching on the Internet. If you're doing your job, they shouldn't be encountering that sort of agitprop in the first place.

BBC: Indian school for rogue monkeys. "Wildlife officials in India plan to build a special school to improve the behaviour of delinquent monkeys." Sounds right up Zaius's alley.

Big Hollywood's Riley Hunter wants to know.

Or: Screw you, Shepard Fairey!

From the comments at Ace's place: "If I were ever alone with her, I'd be afraid she'd unhinge her jaw and eat me whole like a boa constrictor. That said, I'd take my chances."

...because I really was hoping to hear his take on Michael Phelps.

"Cheney warns of new attacks," is the headline on Politico. Dammit all! The guy isn't out of office three weeks and he's threatening the country with more death and destruction. Let's re-elect him to something so we can impeach his ass and throw him in the brig!

"Well, that certainly didn't take long" is the headline on Maureen Dowd's column today. (Wait, she's still working? Let me double check. Yes! Yes, she is!) "It took Daschle’s resignation to shake the president out of his arrogant attitude that his charmed circle doesn’t have to abide by the lofty standards he lectured the rest of us about for two years," she writes acidly.

Wow. If Dowd bails so quickly, can Anna Quindlin and Cokie Roberts be far behind?

And has anyone taken Helen Thomas's temperature lately? She's looking kind of pallid...

Kinda changes the implication of the waving flag, dun'nit

I ordered early ballots. But we didn't send them in. So, we had to drop them off at the polling place today. Now I have the sticker that came with my early ballot, and another sticker from this morning. I have my wife's pair too.

Today I'll be wearing two "I Voted Early" stickers along with two "I Voted Today" stickers.

..........That One..........

Matt Welch, noted libertarian and editor of Reason Magazine, doesn't think there should be a government intervention, but he doesn't simply discount the idea or underestimate the current situation. Citing the possiblilty that the money markets were going to go down as of last week, Hugh Hewitt asked Matt Welch in an on air interview Tuesday evening:

HH: Are you unsympathetic to the argument that economic collapse* is generally simply an emotional issue, and that we've just got to stop the bleeding at this point? Does that not impress you at all?

MW: No, uh, I mean I'm sympathetic to a lot of arguments, I mean, there are some actual, believe it or not, dyed in the wool libertarians who work for the SEC who, of my knowledge, and I've argued with them about, you know, long ago and far away - the bailout of Bear Stearns, just a couple months back, and their argument is that, hey look, there really is a level of too big to fail, and it's just going to -- when people don't know what paper the other investment bank is holding and all the banks refuse to lend to one another then it creates sort of a credit spiral and we'll all be involved and people who are innocent will be involved. I'm very sympathetic to the argument. It's a moving and persuasive argument, at some degree.

*as House Banking Committee member John Campbell (R-CA) reported yesterday on Hewitt's show, "The federal home loan bank notes went for sale yesterday, and did not sell. None of them sold for the first time since the Depression. I mean, that has never happened before. And that has the full faith and credit of the United Sates government! But there is such fear out there [among the institutions] that somehow they'll wiggle out of this and they won't pay me back, that there's irrational decision making going on..."

AnonyMonkey was gonna write it, but a contributor to Michelle Malkin's blog did a good enough job that to rehash it here would just /b/ copy-pasta.

/if you don't get it, lurkmoar
//ya, rly

Somehow, I doubt it...
The One? Or the other One?

Invasion Cat

(via AP) "You've got conservative whites here, and I think there are some whites who are probably not ready to vote for an African-American candidate," [PA Gov. Ed] Rendell told the editorial board of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette in remarks that appeared in Tuesday's paper.

Note to Ed: [Readers are invited to insert their own coital-insertion-related nerf-curse exclamatory imperative here.] You race-baiting asshat. You, sir, are a discredit to all races. Technically true or not, that's the talk of incitement. And I resent how it reflects on us predominantly white Monkeys. [Insert that exclamatory imperative again here.]

So a friend writes to me:

"Didn't you vote TWICE for a guy that mis-managed the Texas Rangers, placed Michael Brown in charge of FEMA, nominated Harriet Miers for the Supreme Court, and had the utmost respect for the executive skills of Kenneth Lay? :-)"

No, I voted for the guy who was going to ream the whole middle east a new one by pivoting on Iraq, stomping on Syria, shitting down the neck of the Iranian ruling class, opening ANWR, and then forcing Saudi Arabia to give us a Rusty Trombone.

I was wearing some powerful goggles.

Remember Jeff Conaway? "Bobby" from Taxi... "Kenickie" from Grease?

Dude.

Seriously.

I don't have time for the sort of disclaimers, caveats, and excuses that any sane person would feel compelled to give before admitting to watching a VH1 reality show. But I'm saving the episode and a half of Celebrity Rehab (now with extra Dr. Drew!) that I have on my TiVo.

I remember being in seventh grade and having to get a permission slip signed so I could be shown an anti-drug propaganda film. It was effective. I have no memory of what it was called. The scene I remember most vividly is that of a heroin addict in a jail cell going through an agonizing cold turkey experience. The film pulled no punches and we the seventh grade class collectively groaned as we witnessed what I would later learn is called "loose booty."

Heroin may be making a comeback, but in this new era of Oxycontin and Xanax, we need a new poster child. Thanks, Jeff Conaway! No, that's cold. I'm sorry. But honestly, I'm strongly considering showing several clips from the show to my older son, and even recommending them to my friends. Let me start now.

It's a glorious age, as I can point to the whole dang series here. Follow that link and you should be able to see the third episode loading. Once you get past the short ad and the actual show begins to load, "drag forward" the show to about the 4/5th point. After seeing some former child star explain her trouble with weed, we join Dr. Drew and Conaway in the exam room. Keep watching. After that, watch episode Four. It starts slow, but you must not miss the sudden seizure/shakes at the lunch table. It sounds tame in writing. Ozzy was funny-sad. Conaway is scary-sad.

Be sure to watch through to the end, when the aging Kenickie frighteningly channels Willem Dafoe's Green Goblin. It's either that character or he was hoping to get the gig as Jack Bauer while Keifer slept it off in the hoosegow. Somewhere in the mix, Daniel Baldwin gives a valuable summary of his typical falling-off-the-wagon via cocaine sequence.

[Thanks, Safari or Amazon, for my browser crash and the loss of all of my post's link url's and its amazingly clever denouement. A quick summary will serve as a dim sad reflection.]

Dr. Drew seems cooly detached but it works well with the freaks. I respect him.

Googling Jeff.Conaway and trainwreck yields 1080 hits.

Googling (Amazon's) kindle and fugly yields 888 hits.

So I got hit by the Man today. The Nanny State Man. Perhaps, more accurately the School Marm Man. I've always resented the ticky-tack "stuff I gotta do" just to check in so the Man can keep tabs on me. So, I passively resist. Does it do any good? No. But I do it anyway. Does it end up biting me in the butt? (well, wallet) Yes. But I do it anyway. It's my own little (very little) version of the tv or movie prisoner who's had just enough of the guards' crap and takes a swing at one of them. He knows he'll lose, surely, what with the allied forces he's taking on. But there's a stubborn streak that just can't resist that little bit of rebellion; that little assertion of independence.

Arizona drivers' licenses used to have a place on the back where you could write your new address. They don't anymore. They should, 'cause I moved. And I wasn't about to go out of my way to check in with the Man about it. (Hey, I never said this was smart.) I assumed that I was supposed to notify them of my move, but...

Anyway, I never actually notice the little line across the top of the back of my license where it reads, YOU MUST REPORT A CHANGE OF ADDRESS WITHIN 10 DAYS. I never noticed it until the police officer who pulled me over tonight pointed it out.

He pulled me over because my van's tags were expired. I had no idea. Great. I never got anything about it in the mail. Now hold on... No, it's not because they don't have my address. The registration people have my current address. It's on my expired paperwork. I gave it to them last time my registration needed renewing. (Why that doesn't count as having check in with the Man, I have no idea. In my mind it did. In theirs, no.)

So, in all this, I'm looking for my proof of insurance. 2002 card - no. 2004 card - no. Hey there's another one in the center console. Aha! my 2007 card. I handed it over, confidently. -sigh- Aw, man... it's 2008. Expired 5 weeks ago. I know I'm insured, but I just don't have the little piece of paper with the right date on it.

Well, what a great night: a craptastic hat-trick of paperwork violations. Thank you, sir, may I have another? The registration fine and the insurance card fine will be cut drastically when I show up in court with proof that I've rectified them, but boy, there's no getting out of the trouble I'm in for not letting the DMV brain trust know that I now live a few miles further down the street.

It's enough to make me consider a rant comparing the stupid hoops and hidden tax paperwork that we party members citizens have to put up with against the relative ease with which illegal immigrants swarm around my city. If the whole paperwork, does-my-car-have-its-shots, have-I-paid-extra-to-drive-on-the-roads-I've-already-paid-for, where-I-live minutia is important enough to be stopped and fleeced over, what gives with the spigot of foreigners, forgers, and flaunters?

So, I can't wait to go to court. Think I'll get lectured in that dull, said-this-a-thousand-times tone? I'm just itching for someone to dare me to lecture the court. Anyone got a Libertarian newsletter I can quote? Hey, I never said my feelings on this were based on self-preservation. Yeah, I'll likely chicken out, but if you've got a brief pithy set of talking points that's more practical than my pathetic rant above, by all means, submit it. I'll surely post updates.

or you'll get thrown in the...

My wife observes that USC quarterback John David Booty should have been a baseball player. That way, he could eventually wind up playing for the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Of course, there's always the NFL's Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Now, there's nothing specifically explicit about pirate's booty, but it gave us a laugh, so I thought we should report it here. Okay, actually, I just like saying booty. And so do the game's announcers, so it would seem.

One day, I'll be telling my grandchildren, "I remember the first time I saw Booty. Booty used to be smaller, thinner, back in the day. I used to love watchin' that Booty pushin' it up and down the gridiron. That Booty knows how to score. Now that same Booty's older, and doesn't move as well, but still gets the job done. I hope we can hold onto our Booty."

...and an entire galaxy is nuked.

'IM NOT A ZOMBIE!' you shout into the darkness." Sure. Sure you aren't.

Zombie.

Is there a case to be made for flavored vodkas?

The Klein Bottle. It looks like a bong, but where do you put yer weed? Where do you put the water? Well, you can't. But it'll still blow your mind. Click on the picture of the glass one. Pick a point to imagine moving from. Remember that the bottom (the part it's resting on) is open. Keep going and your imaginary point will go from outside to inside back to outside.

It's a three dimensional object with only one side and no edges. Duuuuuuude.

What else have I been reading about on Wikipedia? Cross Cap, Hermitian manifolds, Almost-complex manifolds, Lie groups, complex projective space, Grassmannians (nothing to do with weed), complex manifolds, torus (did you know a donut shape is a torus?), Riemann surfaces, string theory, grand unification theory, J/? particles, charm quarks, elementary particles, bubble chambers, and neutrinos. How much did I understand? Have I mentioned that the Klein Bottle looks like a bong?

And what have I learned? Three things: (1)The atom is no longer considered anything close to an elementary particle, (2) I'm damn glad I don't have to take science today. How do these college math and physics guys do it? Once they get in the door, it must be like a drug for the ones that really have the calling. (3) The science geek put-down du jour is probably "You electroweak boson!"

And yet, somehow, the slur seems fitting for Kevin Spacey.

What a tool. Round up The Usual Suspects and bitch slap them senseless. I hope they taser Spacey's ass when he arrives back in the U.S. And I have no idea who "they" are, except they'd better have tasers. And they should tell him he's a miserable tool.

Oh yeah, and "American Beauty" was pretentious shite.

Look, I may be anonymous, but I'm not going to lie to you: I listened to a lot of heavy metal in the 1980s. A lot. And my hearing is not quite as good as it might be because of it. I've seen Iron Maiden in concert, and Spinal Tap, too. And, in retrospect, it was hard to tell the difference between them.

So this list really takes me back. And I do not question the premise in the least. I think, with the exception of horrendous hair bands like Skid Row, it's a pretty good list. But what do I know? Very little, except for the Ten Commandments of Metal, the first of which is Thou shalt bang thy head!

It's funny because it's true.